True Forgiveness

One of our earthly duties as followers of Christ is to forgive others as He forgave us. Being a FORMER emotional hoarder, I realize that what I considered forgiveness may have been nothing more than a cessation from thinking about the offense(s). Forgiveness is taught or at least mentioned in many weekly bible studies and sermons. Saying you forgive someone and believing you’re sincere is far from what it means to demonstrate true forgiveness. I certainly can’t do any justice trying to explain forgiveness any better than your bible teacher or pastor but humor me as I give my own personal testimony.

I’ve discovered that the outcome of true forgiveness is quite similar to the outcome of repentance. Two things will happen. First, when true forgiveness is in operation, you WILL TURN from certain thought patterns and behaviors. Second, you WILL EXPERIENCE a release in your spirit which is in essence a release from internal hostility [bondage]. Hostility is not always communicated in a visible or audible fashion.  Everyone doesn’t vent [e.g. gossip] to others about their offenses. In fact, emotional hoarders tend to conceal even the worst offenses from everyone. We [I'm talking about me] do the “Christian thing” by confessing forgiveness but actually living in denial which is a form of deception. Confession is only the first step towards forgiveness.

Unless your one of those few free-spirited people who never harbor offenses, you may also be living in deception, bound by resentment and anger brought on by an offense. I may have just stumbled onto what true forgiveness is really all about when a Bishop came to me, man to man, to express an offense. The sad part about my harboring this offense is that his alleged offense wasn’t even directed towards me yet I kept a firm grasp on the offense. I learned a great deal from this experience.  I’m ecstatic to have experienced this opportunity of true forgiveness. As I carefully scrutinize my ways I can see where I will need to ask others to forgive me of my offense against them.  I’ve invested a lot of energy into harboring offenses but now I understand what it means to truly forgive.

Though it cost all you have, get understanding. – Proverbs 4:7(b)

– by Marvin

Tags: Deliverance, Emotions, Encouragement, Faith, Forgiveness, Jesus, Love, Thoughts, Writing

Emotional Hoarding

I was talking to a friend the other day and the term “emotional hoarder” came up in our conversation. We briefly discussed what the terminology meant to us. Afterwards I thought it might be something worth exploring further which consequently lead to this blog post.

There’s a relatively new television series you may have seen on TLC called, “Hoarders: Buried Alive“. The show takes you inside the homes of people with some of the most extreme cases of hoarding. In the show, psychologists, therapists, and other experts explore the behavior that causes individuals to accumulate massive quantities of nonessential things. Often times they’re unhappy with their surroundings but feel powerless to change it. When you look at the environment of a hoarder you immediately wonder how they allowed their situation to get so out of control in the first place. Then you wonder why they don’t just clean it up. After all, that’s what we would do. I’m sure it’s not quite that simple for them.

The typical lifestyle of a hoarders consists of isolation and shame. In almost every case the hoarder has experienced some traumatic experience earlier in life which leaves them trying to find ways to cope with reality. Unable to cope with reality they turn to hoarding for comfort. They feel the need to save everything thinking they’ll use it one day.

I can identify with hoarders in the sense that there is plethora of unresolved thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I’ve accumulated over many years with the vast majority of them being unpleasant. Because I haven’t perfected my own process for managing these thoughts, I end up hoarding them. An emotionally functional person knows exactly how to process thoughts associated with being hurt, rejected, insulted, abused, neglected, etc. While on the other hand an emotional hoarder lacks the fundamental ability to effectively manage these thoughts which prevents us to move past them.

As in conventional hoarding, there are so many of these debilitating thoughts stacked one on top of the next that we can no longer identify the source of our struggle. That might explain why emotional hoarders manifest bizarre dreams and sometimes nightmares. Over time the mind becomes trapped just like the couple in the photo above and then tries to compensate by inventing alternate realities or abstract fantasies.

Here’s an encouraging word for any emotional hoarder — THERE IS HOPE! Our situations may appear to be insurmountable but we must continue to rely upon the Power of the Holy Spirit to navigate us through our heaping piles of rotting thoughts. To become the person God created us to be, we must first acknowledge the problem exists then begin the process of discarding all nonessential thoughts that we’ve accumulated over the years. It may be a painful and uncomfortable process to let go of these things that have become part of our lives but as Children of the Most High, it’s our responsibility to remove anything that sets itself up against Him.

It’s time to reclaim everything the enemy tried to take from us. The earth is the Lords and everything in it!

–by Marvin

Tags: Addiction, Deliverance, Depression, Emotions, Encouragement, Faith, Inspiration, Jesus

A Tight Place

This blog is actually a private email that I wrote in reply to a dear friend who was checking in on me today. Not having much to say lately, I thought someone else could at least identify with the struggle.

I certainly want to believe I’m coming out of a tight place but my reality hasn’t quite caught up with my belief. I must still be carrying the weight of years of rejection, hurt, anger, frustration, etc. Why else would I still be living in a glass prison — being able to view the world around me but unable to touch it or be touched by it. My methods of escape are proving to be futile at best.  I feel like the great John Nash (“A Beautiful Mind”) when he first became aware of his condition telling his psychiatrist, “I’m a genius. I should be able to figure this out” — meaning with all the facts present, he should be able stop hearing and responding to the delusions that were in his mind. I can only hope and pray my belief soon catches up with my reality. All I can say is that God is in control.

Tags: Deliverance, Depression, Emotions, Encouragement, Faith, God, Prayer, Thoughts, Writing

The Gates of Hell

Because I’ve accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, hell is no place I’ll never see for myself. The perception of many Christians is that because we’re saved, we are immune from anything associated with hell. If you’ve never found yourself standing in front of the gates of hell from time to time you may need to question your relationship with the Lord.   The “gates of hell”, at any rate, is the place I found standing in front of me. In Matthew 16:18, Jesus tells Peter that he is the rock upon which He will build His church and gates of hell will not prevail against it.

Over the past few weeks I’ve encountered back to back trails trials that made me wonder if I was already in hell, which might explain why I hadn’t posted any recent blogs. Earlier this month returning from a wonderful vacation with my family, I fell into a deep depression unlike anything I’d experienced in a very long time. The following week I thought I found temporary relief from having to deal with the pressures of work serving as a juror on a four-day murder trial. “Temporary” is the key word in the prior sentence. Let me be the first to tell you that participating in a real life execution style murder trial is nothing like the experience you have from watching a trial unfold on network television. When the trial ended on Thursday I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained. In essence, I was numb. On Friday I made the mistake of drinking liquor [kids don't try this at home ], once again, to temporarily escape the clutches of the heavy depression that was gradually overpowering me.

The following day I was admitted into the hospital so doctors could observe my irregular heart beat.  A couple of days after leaving the hospital my wife was admitted with the same diagnosis. ’Why is all this happening”, I remember thinking to myself. As it turned out there was more stormy weather headed my way. After my release from the hospital my foot began itching and I started feeling an unusual sensation between my toes. The itching eventually turned into discomfort. The discomfort was coming from a hairline cut under my toe that became infected. The infection in my toe caused my foot to swell so large that I was unable to wear a shoe for five days. On my final day of swelling a blood vessel or vein in my eye ruptured causing my eye to swell. I’ve never experienced back to back incidents like this before.

Clearly God was allowing the enemy to attack me as a test but what was the test really about. As each test came my way I told the devil, “If these are supposed to be attacks, you’re gonna have to do much better than this to rattle my faith.” Out of all of the attacks, my only true concern was being able to overcome the depression event. The rest was nothing more than a series of futile distractions. If it sounds like I’m boasting on my strength then you’re missing it. What I’m saying is that in contrast to an intense depression event everything else paled in comparison.

What makes these depression episodes so difficult to address is that there’s no single identifiable event in which to associate being in such a low state of mind. To make matters worse, I know exactly what I’m supposed to do but when it’s time to do it, I feel stuck in a state of mental and emotional paralysis.

What I’m experiencing is what every follower of Christ will ultimately experience at one time or another – the gates of hell trying to prevail against us. Like any storm, there’s always the aftermath to deal with, which is where I am presently. There are areas in our lives that are so fragile and sensitive that we go to extreme lengths to guard ourselves against further damage. I’m still trying to come to terms with mine and allow the Holy Spirit to help me address them. Through our relationship of trusting and believing in God is how the process of true freedom is achieved.

– by Marvin

Tags: Blogging, Christianity, Deliverance, Depression, Emotions, Encouragement, Faith, Thoughts

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is!!!

Today I read a comic strip… It was a picture of lady in a store talking on her cell. The caption read, “We are looking for something to fix our marriage. I’m in Barnes and Nobles, he’s in Home Depot.”– So funny but so true. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend.  The husband said to the wife, “We should go to counseling, read some books, or go to a few couples classes.” The wife said, “Well, when I was doing that you didn’t want to do it. I’ve put in the work already. Been there done that. It’s your turn now.” Unfortunately it takes time for some married couples to get on the same page. Someone has to be the bigger person and be willing to swallow their pride until the other gets it right. In life, very seldom do we try something for the first time and get a home run on the first hit.

Sometimes it takes a lot of patience, work, trial and error, and yes, repeating the same steps over and over. Bodybuilders, fitness buffs, and people who are trying to lose weight call them “reps”. This process involves the big scary word called, SACRIFICE. You can have a great married life or a married life sentence. It becomes just what you make it. Sometimes the early steps of your walk in life and in Christ are your learning steps. They are used to build up, develop, and enhance some of the character flaws you posses. That doesn’t mean you’ve got it all together and it definitely doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t learn anything the second time around.

So whenever the other spouse decides to come around and be on the same page [after hearing you say, “I told you so”], don’t hate on them. Instead, celebrate that you are finally on one accord. Satan wants your marriage to stay divided and if the truth be told–if you’ve been there and done that while you were doing your part [as you say], you should’ve already learned that a house divided cannot stand. So when your spouse finally turns the page, your heart will not be hardened and you will be able to go along with his or her plan to make this thing work.

All relationships must be give-and-take. When you make the decision to no longer give you become a taker and you shall reap whatsoever you sow. Therefore we should constantly read and listen to things that will encourage and enhance our marriages, our parenting, our lives, and our individual being. Even if the spouse doesn’t partake in the building of the marriage, it’s no excuse for the other individual to be filled with pride as if they’ve arrived for having already made contributions to the marriage.

While you are growing in wisdom and working on how to be a better wife/husband/parent/person, all the while, your faith in God should be getting stronger and stronger believing HE will do the things you can’t do — which is change the other person. To have faith that your spouse will be adequately fed when he or she is not receiving the same diet at the same time is no reason to get discouraged. God always has a ram in the bush.

Hosea 4:6 says, “my people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” So if you refuse to get wisdom and understanding just because your spouse took a little longer than you did to see the same picture, will you not perish for the same lack of knowledge and hardening of your heart. God works through faith the size of a mustard seed. He says faith with out work is dead. Work is just that – work. You did it before now do it again!

For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. – 1 Corinthians 4:7

Now the real question is, “Does God lie?” Let me help you with the answer – NO! God is not a man that he should lie nor the son of man that He should change His mind. Just because you do not see it yet does not mean it is not already done. It could mean that your lack of faith is causing you to continue to be blind in some areas of your life. The Lord says seek him first and alllllll these things will be added unto you.  It is also says in allllll your getting, get wisdom for wisdom is supreme. It will protect you. Love wisdom and she will watch over you. But then he says [put your money where your mouth is], though it may cost you alllll you have get UNDERSTANDING!!!

We put a price tag on so many things we don’t want to do and spend so much money doing things we don’t need to do. The cost to make yourself a better you is a sacrifice of great worth. Though you and your spouse may not agree on the same methods at the same times, learn to understand where they are coming from. The only way to do it is to listen to one another. You must be quick to listen and slow to speak. Listening, sometimes, may cost all that you have within you to get your flesh to die. But it is a required act of faith to promote peace. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding [your own understanding will lead you to destruction and jumping the same hurdles more times than the second time for your spouse] but in all your ways acknowledge Christ and He shall direct your paths.

Do not be wise in your own eyes but fear the Lord and depart from evil. Give attention to God’s words and it will be health to your flesh (marriage), and strength to your bones (family). Stop making yourself sick over what your spouse is or is not doing. You just may be able to come off of your high blood pressure medicine or your hair may just stop falling out. How can you seek to remove the speck out of your spouses’ eye when you have a big board in your own eye? Stop trying to repay evil for evil, tit for tat. If you know the Lord, trust in Him and He will deliver you and your marriage. He says He will give you the desires of your heart if you delight yourself in Him (Christ not your spouse). That means seek Him while he can still be found.

For those who don’t know (have a relationship) with Him (Christ), then make a decision today to give him your life. For those who are not married this is wisdom. Continue to keep on getting wisdom before you say “I do.”

–by Vicki

Tags: Blogging, Christianity, Jesus, Love, Marriage, Thoughts, Writing

Is There Freedom From Sin?

In my travels around the country I have spoken to many Christians who have the same testimony. How do I overcome sin, and what is my purpose? Sin has seized us to the point that we struggle with the concept of complete freedom. But to be free from sin is simple, just as losing weight or loving your wife is simple. The problem is not in finding the solution but in applying it. If you want to lose weight, then stop eating poorly.  If you want to love your wife, then be patient with her. Don’t withhold relations but wash her with the Word and keep no record of wrong. Likewise with sin, if we want to stop sinning the bible is clear with what we must do.

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up. Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge. — James 4:7-11

To submit to God means to yield to His authority. We do this when we choose His word over our will. To resist the devil means that we must defeat and withstand his forces.  To draw nigh to God is to get closer to him in relationship and in deed. To cleanse our hands means to wash away sin, to turn our backs on sin, to be done with it. To purify our hearts we need to clear from material defilement or imperfection, which is done by cleaning up what we hear, what we see, and what we do. For all such things enter into our hearts. We must also begin to be much more serious about our lives.

It’s not that we shouldn’t laugh but God is saying if you are in trouble with Him and living in sin we need to mourn not laugh. We need to turn our joy into heaviness so that we are careful to be obedient. Also we need not speak evil of our brothers or to judge them, but this doesn’t mean don’t tell them about their sin because the bible also says, if you see your brother commit sin, warn him. But what God is saying by don’t judge, is that we do not punish our brothers or determine their fate, which is what the Word means. As in a wife withholding sex to punish her husband, or a husband withholding money, these are judgments in which we have determined the outcome and punishment but not according to God’s word.

There it is — the pieces to the puzzle of freedom. Now get up and do these things and you will be free. But:

The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly. — Proverbs 5:22-23

What of our purpose of being on earth? How do we find it? The purpose for every Christian on earth is to represent Christ in a manner that causes men to know God. We should also preach the gospel and make disciplined followers of Christ. It is very simple, start living righteously, and start preaching the Word of God and you will be on your way to purpose while fulfilling it at the same time. We are all ambassadors. We are all priests and we are all royal. An ambassador represents his country while absent from it. A priest is careful to be holy so that he stands in the holy place to beg mercy for the lost. Our royalty gives us the authority to walk in the newness of life, to tell demons to flee, and to provide salvation for our hearers.

 –by charlieM [free1]

Tags: Christianity, Encouragement, Faith, Inspiration, Marriage

The Benefits of Abstinence

We live in a society where certain key terms are spoken in regular conversation without so much as a flinch, look of embarrassment, or discomfort. Terms like Cougar, Sweet Daddy, Down Low, Tea Bag, Daisy Chain, Pearl Necklace, etc., are spoken in daily conversation. While I won’t define them for you, I will add that the Bible admonishes us in Ephesians 5:3, “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Surely we have gotten to the place where we are far beyond “even a hint.” We’ve become conditioned to feel comfortable with commercials advertising Viagra, Inzite, and Cialis. With advertisements showing people with AIDS and Herpes, these diseases have become more normalized and acceptable on prime time television. Diseases that were curable with penicillin like syphilis and gonorrhea have made a comeback amongst adolescents in recent years (http://www.avert.org/std-statistics-america.htm). Are you uncomfortable yet?! Another eyebrow raiser to me is that these things have become common and rampant in the church. Separation and divorce are on the rise. I can even recall one couple who was considering marriage when the female in the relationship spouted, “If this doesn’t work out, then we can just get a divorce.”

Clearly more and more adults have become more career-focused so people are marrying later in life. Women are seemingly scrutinizing the type of man that they would like to marry, especially in the black community where the ratios of eligible black men to black women are significantly lower. Men are encouraged to “play the field” for as long as possible. I have come to this conclusion. Single adults in a sexual society is a recipe for moral decay. This statement impacts the unregenerate married couples as well, whereas some married individuals see singles as nothing more than prey. All this is going on but we seldom hear about these issues in the church. It makes me wonder why the church doesn’t talk about it more. I have wondered if the preachers are afraid to address it. I know personally of an instance when a church member candidly confided in their Pastor about a sexual issue. After that conversation, the Pastor never asked about the issue or even checked to be sure that everything was okay. Surely when a patient has a history of a particular issue, the physician may want to inquire as to how it’s going every now and then. It leaves you to wonder what the problem could be. Could it be because some preachers may not be convicted to inquire or even preach about the obvious or could it be that they are secretly convicted about “a little something something” they have going on in their own personal lives?

Well, in this world of “Friends with Benefits,” I would like to suggest to you the Benefits of Abstinence. Surely this isn’t possible without a strong salvific relationship with God, which includes daily reading the Word, prayer, and accountability. I personally employ this as a life practice and I can testify to you that you will have peace of mind-, VD-, HIV-, Herpes-free Doctor visits (if you haven’t already contracted one of these incurable sexually transmitted diseases). Not only will you experience freedom from the feeling of powerlessness from falling sexually, you’ll also have emotional stability in Christ and the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to be spiritually minded about whatever comes your way–even temptation. Lastly, you can finally remove even the hint of sexual immorality.

–By Melvin

http://benefitof.net/benefits-of-abstinence/

Tags: Blogging, Christianity, Emotions, Encouragement, Inspiration, Sex, Thoughts